Today was crappy, but I wish it was crappier..

I am very hesitant to write how my day really was, but I have come to the conclusion that if people are going to understand what Hyperemesis is really like, then I've got to document it all and be honest! The one person who can't read this is my husband.

Let me start out by saying for as long as I can remember, I've been a very.private.pooper. So much that it was (sometimes still can be) a problem. When I need to...ah hem.... poop, the "event" becomes my top secret mission to find the most hidden bathroom, at the most discreet time possible. I can probably count on one hand how many times I pooped at my parents house growing up in the bathroom off the kitchen on the main floor because, obviously, that's wayyyy too risky there. I mean - what if someone hears me?!?

As you can imagine, sharing a bathroom with an entire floor of girls in college was like a nightmare when I had "the urge." I couldn't believe it when some of my friends decided that for fun, they would decorate and LABEL one of the stalls in our bathroom as the "Official Pooping Stall!" They cut out magazine pictures and taped them up inside the stall so there would be lots to look at while you were in there, and if I remember correctly, even left a message board in there so we could leave a message (while pooping) for the next pooper!! Really, I'm jealous of their ability to "perform" under those circumstances. So trying to accomplish top secret mission "poop secretly so no one suspects," required that , naturally, I am NOT to go into the Official Pooping Stall under any circumstances because that's a dead give away. I am NOT to poop in the morning while everyone is in there brushing their teeth. I am NOT to wear shoes that could possibly give me away if someone recognized them under a stall. I AM to train my body to go either during a low traffic time, which may or may not include the middle of the night.

Now, married life pooping is a whole different ball game, especially when we have had similar schedules. Wait, not poop schedules - work schedules. He's figured out the ole "I'm not pooping, I'm in the shower" trick! Can you believe that?? That worked like a charm when living with female roommates after college! It's like he WANTS to catch me because he KNOWS I'm trying to outsmart him. And since he obviously knows me much better now, he knows that I try to hide it, and he'll make sure to point out when he's caught me. EVEN if I've accomplished "the deed" before he's gotten home, he'll be sure to point out "Soo... ya pooped, huh?"  And of course my answer is always "No..."

So here we are to my -not as crappy as I'd like it to be- day.

Everyone knows that pregnancy slows down the bowels and can cause constipation. That's to be expected. Has anyone experienced the Zofran pills making it worse? You see... I've been having a bit of a problem. I mean - it's great that I can put off my mission - but according to my mom, it's a problem. When I spent those 24 hours in the hospital a couple of weekends ago, my doctor came in for an exam while I was getting fluids and felt around on my belly. He said "Whoa! You're super backed up. We've got to clean you out girl! How long has it been?"  I replied, "Ummm...18 days..." (GASP!)  He left (thank goodness - how embarrassing!) and the nurse gave me some options, which included 2 different kinds of enemas. She offered to "do it" for me, or assist. Are you kidding me?? I would rather die. I most definitely opted to do this experiment alone. Thank goodness for the private bathroom. It actually wasn't THAT bad, and it really made me feel a lot better.

Since then, I've been instructed to take colace and of course at that point (when I didn't have my PICC) was told to try to stay hydrated. Yeahhhh right! I called my Dr. a week later asking if I should try another enema at home because once again, nothing was... "happening."  I did, and was ok for a while.  Another week later (actually 8 days, TODAY)  I am in pain with protruding and hard stool in my abdomen - even though I'm getting my fluids 10 hours a day in my little cocktail bag. My doctor told me to try a Dulcolax suppository, so I did. Which did nothing. I tried another enema. Which did...something... but not much. I am now uncomfortable and super nauseated. It's really hard for me to express to the doctor just how bad it is because I feel like we have bigger fish to fry right now like Operation Stay Alive. I've called the office so often I don't want to be seen as the annoying girl that keeps calling for no reason.... so we'll see how it goes. One of the many joys of being a shy Hyperematic pregnant girl that can't drink any fluids or exercise.

Tomorrow's blog... "How to find support without a bra"   - Stay Tuned!