What the.... A good day?!?

Call it crazy pregnancy hormones. Call it dramatic. Call it luck. But I think it was God.

 Yesterday, I was in the pits.  I felt horrible. I was crabby and extra discouraged for many reasons.. one being I took a bath and could only shave one armpit because of how tightly mom wrapped my PICC arm in Glad press and seal wrap and I couldn't bend my one elbow... haha. ( It seems funny now to me, but it really wasn't then!) My medicine didn't feel like it was working as well...I felt lost and hopeless.

And angry at God. Really angry. I didn't really want to bring this up, but I've been obsessing over the Sandy Hook shootings since Friday. Being a teacher and mother I just played the scenario over and over in my mind - to the point that I was having anxiety attacks over it - heart pounding panic... that I of course caused to happen because I couldn't stop watching or reading news online. (I literally have nothing else to do all day). Sometimes I don't know when to stop. Of course my main question to God being "Why?? Why children?? Why didn't you stop this. You could have!! And while we're here, God, why are you allowing me to feel this way? Why aren't you letting me live my life so I can fulfill my duties that YOU gave to me - teacher, wife, mother?" And, like I do with all people I'm mad at, I asked him all these questions, then shut him down so he couldn't answer. You see- that's the easiest way to hurt someone you love....

Someone has really been praying for me and it hasn't been me.

Nolan and I both had doctor's appointments today - his being almost 2 hours away (he had surgery last year to remove a big birth mark so it was a scar check up) so he didn't go to his sitter. This morning, at 6:45am, he got out of his bed and came into my room -and climbed into bed with me and Luke. Since Luke wasn't going to have to drive him to the sitter, he had a few extra minutes as well. I wasn't hooked up to my IV yet, so my arms were open and free to welcome Nolan into bed. I quickly turned on the TV to some cartoons so he would maybe stay with me (and forget about his lovely G-Ma in the next room for just a second!) He stayed! And while he was watching cartoons, he turned to me and said "Mama, I want to cuddle you!!" And so we did. The kid melts me. What a blessing to start my day this way - Luke on one side, Nolan on the other. Blessing #1

Getting ready for our field trip to the doctors, I had the motivation to wash my face and even put make up on! I couldn't stand for too long, so I had to improvise to FINALLY take care of my unibrow since it was going to take...a while. I found a CD and used that as my mirror so I could lay in bed at the same time and got 'er done! I got super nauseated considering my preggo jeans, so opted for my trusty go-to leggings, sweater, and boots instead. I kinda felt a little cute-ish. Hmm... interesting. I won't call that a blessing necessarily, but I did feel more like "me" you could say - which was refreshing.


My mom drove and the appointment for Nolan's scar went well - he will get laser treatment on a keloid in two months which is painless and quick. We then drove through Buona Beef for lunch before our trek home, and I was a little worried about what to eat. I've been pretty faithful to my bland diet and pretty much nothing there is bland. A cheeseburger seemed....intriguing... so I went with it. It STAYED down and was DELICIOUS!! This was a big deal to someone who struggles with eating/drinking! I was SO happy to enjoy such a wonderful and yummy treat!! Blessing #2??? I think YES.

We then had an hour or so lag time until my OB appointment (going every 2 weeks currently) so we decided to attempt a little shopping. I've tried walking around a store a few times before and usually can only last a few minutes before I'm miserable. PLUS, I absolutely despise shopping to begin with, but I didn't want Nolan to go crazy in the car  and we didn't really have another option, so went with it.  I was a little winded at first, but it was great!! I was able to pick out several presents for Nolan that I know he'll just adore. For the first time in 4 weeks, I actually forgot I was sick - and didn't even pay attention to my PICC cords hanging out of my jacket (I had the running bag and Gemstar in my purse). How great to be able to buy some treasures for my little guy, and enjoy this time OUT of the house! BAM! Blessing #3!

My OB appointment also went very well! My doctor wants to extend my PICC line usage until I'm 16 weeks, in which case we will reevaluate the status. Who knows where I'll be then, but what a relief... they were talking about taking it out next week and I was really worried about spiraling during Christmas and then having to go through the whole PICC nightmare again. I also didn't lose any weight since my last visit 2 weeks ago, which I had been doing! Intervention Mom Room Service has proven to give positive results! Plus I got to hear the baby's heart beat so I think I can live this life just a little bit longer now... :)  Blessing #4!

I was worried about grossing people out with my "spit bowl," so before we left for our appointments, I decided to try using a tall travel coffee mug. It was a major winner! While walking around the store and going to both appointments, I was able to blend in without repelling people. It looked like I was taking a sip of coffee, when I was actually spitting! Muahahaha. Really.. you may not think so but Blessing #5 - not grossing people out in public - because it means I can function around people.

After my appointment, I was feeling well enough in the car that we could extend our trip and drive around to look at Christmas lights. It was FUN and I haven't had fun in a while! Blessing #6

When we got home, there was LOTS of mail and even... a package!! My sister sent me tulips, a bear, and some chocolates for whoever could eat them! How lovely! Not only that, but I got 4 (FOUR!!) letters from Beyond Morning Sickness volunteers from across the country - none of whom I have met. Hand written and personal notes of encouragement and understanding. Unbelievable.

Flowers from sister Melinda from California- Blessing #7
Card from Kristi B from Michigan - Blessing #8
Card from Mel S from Maine- Blessing #9
Card from Meredith J from New York - Blessing #10
Card from Amanda P from Minnesota - Blessing #11


AND I'M STILL NOT DONE....

After opening all of the "fun" mail, I still had some bills to truck through: 2 Blue Cross, 1 hospital. Usually I ignore these types for a few days, but decided just to get it over with. The 2 Blue Cross were approvals to increase my Zofran quantity. Awesome! The hospital bill .... was.... a .... check??? YES definitely a check written to ME for almost $200!!! Apparently, after an audit the hospital had, they found I was owed that money! Ho.Ly.Cow. Blessing #12

I was probably blessed more times today and just didn't look for it.. but 12 are what I counted. And the day's not over. :D  Why so many blessings today?? Odd that it immediately followed such a bad day.

Tonight, I heard God's reply to my questions yesterday: "You are not alone. I am here with you in all things."  In regards to the Sandy Hook devastation: "They were not alone. I was with them too, just like I am with you."

It's appropriate and okay to be upset about things...life, tragedy, etc. But I think I need to trust that God is taking care of things. God is the ultimate comforter. He is now comforting those children more powerfully than even their earthly parents could.Hard to fathom a love more powerful than a mommy's and daddy's.  I have a feeling that if I allow God to comfort me now, even close to what I'm allowing my friends and family to,  that I won't be disappointed....

I knew that... I just needed a little reminder. :)